My mind is so clouded that I can not think straight. Can you give me a clearer picture?

brileync20

My husband is abusive. He is verbally, emotionally, & at times physically abusive. He was abusive while I was pregnant with both of our children. He was abusive after they were born. He would say things like:
you can't do sh** right
your a sick bi*** (had/have postpartum depression)
etc. etc. etc.
He is a very self-centered man. Everything is about him & he always has some sort of issue to attend to. We even had to focus on him while I was in labor. He was angry about something...
He makes it known that I am his problem. I am the reason that he is abusive. I make him this way. If he was with someone else they would appreciate him more. (We live in a big house. I work as a elementary teacher part time to keep the kids out of daycare.) He thinks that I should be more appreciative because he is one black man that hasn't left his family. But to tell you the truth, this is worst than him just leaving me. He is here but he resents being here. You know that "work" of raising children. But he wants to award of being here for his kids, but on the side he is taking out his resentment on me. Always talks about how much work he does with the kids, i.e. helping with bath, diapers, monitoring, etc. He enjoys nothing with them it seems.

It is so hard to appreciate him because he is so abusive. I can not see past the abusive things that he saids and does. That is why I am leaving. My children who are in the infant & toddler phase do not deserve to grow up in such a dysfunctional environment. I am a excellent mother. My 2 year old already knows her ABC, counting to 10, etc. etc.
Can I be causing him to be abusive? Or is he using the fact that I am weak with postpartum depression to make me feel helpless & guilty enough to stay?

Answer
Sweetheart...there is no way on earth that it is your fault that he is abusive. That is a choice he makes, every time he does it. He can stop, if he so chose.

He is using your weakness to control you and cover his own problems. You can never do anything that is deserving of any type of abuse.

You are doing the right thing by leaving. It will be very hard, no doubt. You're heart might hurt, you may think you did the wrong thing, you may feel bad because you "hurt" him. Let me tell you, you are doing the right thing, the pain will pass, and as far as hurting him...he should have thought about the pain he'd feel while he was inflicting your pain.

You are right that the kids don't deserve to grow up in such an environment. They will lead much healtheir, more productive lives if they are not afraid. Also, they will learn respect and how to treat others properly if they are not hearing and seeing daddy be mean and uugly to mama.

You can do this....your babies deserve it! And as far as being weak....you have 2 children, work, and put up with an abusive husband! I don't see any weakness there! You are strong enough to see what he does is wrong, that your kids deserve better, and you are leaving. That takes strength. Now, you will have to put "strong" into overdrive to make it after you leave him....even if just for a little while.

God bless you, I'll be praying for you and your babies! You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you! (Philippians 4:13)!

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